Tuesday, January 20, 2004

The Phantom Shitter

I work in an office building. All the suites on my floor share a restroom. The guy in the suite next door, must have been born in a barn. He'll spend half an hour in the bathroom. Beware the next person who walks in.

Isn't it common sense that when you're done you flush? And if you had a non-olfactory pleasing visit, that you would leave the fan on and close the door when you leave, sparing your neighbors from sharing in what you created?

Apparently not. Some people are not house trained.

One of the guys in my office has dubbed him, the phantom shitter. I think his new name suits him very well.

Monday, January 12, 2004

Home Improvement

My kitchen faucet leaks. I had no clue how to fix it. So I go to the hardware store. I stand there in the plumbing aisle for 10 minutes waiting my turn to talk to the guy. It's finally my turn, and this fat slob rushes up, cuts in front of me and asks the guy what his cheapest faucet is and then asks for another part. The clerk walks off to get it. The slob turns to me, puts his hand on my shoulder and says "I'm sorry, did I cut in front of you?" I wanted to scream and punch him. I was so pissed. Instead I did the "ice princess" routine and calmly said "Yes you did". He apoligizes again and tells me to go ahead. I tell him no thank you, you've already started you might as well finish. So I wait and finally get my turn.


The clerk has this why do I have to talk to a woman look on his face. He explains to me how to take apart the faucet and what piece I need to bring him. I thank him and I leave.

As I'm in the car driving home, I'm really angry. I start replaying the whole scene with the asshole who cut in front of me and I had to ask myself. Why didn't you speak up and say something when he cut in front of you? And I answer myself, because you didn't want him to think you were a bitch. I realized that my anger was really directed at myself for not standing up for me and taking care of myself. I let one more man run over me.

Recovery is one step forward, two steps back. At least I processed through my feelings and know where I went wrong. To me, that's a start.

P.S. 3 hours and 2 more trips to the hardware store later, my faucet is fixed. Yay!
Saying Goodbye

I been reading a couple different divorce recovery books. They all talk about the grieving process and various stages. Since my divorce will be final Tuesday, I decided it was time to say goodbye.

I pulled out a box full of cards, notes, and letters spanning a 14 year relationship. I read through them all one last time and had a bonfire.

I was surprised to discover that they all had a theme.

"I'm sorry things haven't been going well. I know this has been a rough year. Next year I'll spend more time with you and things will get better. Thank you for sticking with me. Sorry I'm broke. I'll get you something really nice next year."

I never realized that I got the same message year after year. I must have been living in a really big hole to have not seen that before.

As I watched all my memories burn, I only felt pity for someone who never got it right. Never found that "next year".

Friday, January 09, 2004

The #*$^~"! IRS

I've been reading through IRS publications trying to determine my filing status and what deductions I can claim. I couldn't figure out a damn thing. So I called the IRS. I figured if they wrote it, they should be able to explain it to me. Wrong!

The guy put me on hold 3 times. 45 minutes later, he tells me that he "thinks" I have to file as married filing seperately, but he's positive I can't claim head of household.

Now I have a headache.

Wednesday, January 07, 2004

I haven't blogged in a while. I've kind of been in a holding pattern. Waiting to be assigned a court date. Waiting to see if God was going to perform another miracle. Waiting to see if I was going to just lose my mind and snap. Waiting to see if what I thought I was feeling, was really what I was feeling. All sorts of really fun deep things like that.

My court date has been assigned for Tuesday, January 13. That will be the final death blow to a 14 year relationship struggling to survive. 14 years. Gone. Sometimes I still can't believe it's happening.

I've been enjoying the peace that fills my home now. It's like living in a dream world. I can do what I want, when I want. I've never had that luxery before.

I've decided that most men are predators. And they all seem to know where I am. I feel like there's a neon sign over my head flashing "fresh meat". It scares me, makes me angry, and is causing me to stand strong on my boundaries. Good practice for me.

I've been struggling with letting my soon to be ex push my buttons. I picked up my son Monday and was floored in about 2 seconds. I went home and beat the shit out of my punching bag. It felt awesome. For the first time in my life, I got the anger out of my system instead of simmering for days.

FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!