I did it to myself again.

I've been working really hard the last couple months. Not so much overtime at the office, but when you take into account working a full-time job, going to school part-time, working a recovery program, remodeling a house, being a single mom, and trying to process my divorce...

Well you get the picture. I've been feeling worn out and streched too thin. You'd think that I would learn to pay attention to that. Nope.

Whammo!

I got nailed with a stomach virus this weekend. Kept me home in bed for 2 days. Best thing God could have done to me.

You see, I "know" that his strength is there to carry me through the tough times.

What I didn't realize is that his strength is there for me to lean on him every day no matter whether it's a good day or a bad day. I don't have to deal with anything by myself because, quite frankly, I'm no where near as capable or responsible as I like to think I am. And that's not sharing your life with someone is it?

I've been so busy trying to prove to myself that I can take care of myself and that I'm going to be okay. I forgot that it doesn't have to be that way.

Maybe next time I forget this God can use a 2x4 instead of a 4x4 to get my attention.

Today is Grandma's birthday. She died in August, two weeks before our vacation planned to come see her.

I didn't always agree with how she did things. She was co-dependent and could lay a guilt trip on you in a hearbeat.

But she also loved unconditionally. No matter what you did or how badly you had screwed up, she loved you anyway.

I wish more people were capable of offering that.

Slashing

Tearing

Ripping

Bleeding

The dark hordes come to feed.

As I lay dying

A light comes to caress my face.

His warmth wraps around me, embracing me

Shielding from the night

And I am carried through the valley of death.