Intro

I have a hard time journaling because my brain runs faster than I can write. Maybe I can keep up with it by typing.

I've got a lot going on in my life right now. Especially emotionally and I need a place to vent. Figured this would work pretty well. And you know, sometimes we think the weirdest things. They seem sane in our head, but once you get them out on paper or tell them to another person, the light seems to shine and you go huh? What the hell was I thinking?

I'm currently 3 weeks and 1 day into the divorce process. My husband left on the 8th. One week before my birthday. Nice huh? But we won't get into that now. So I'm attending a divorce recovery class, raising my son, and trying to pull the pieces back together while I sit through the 90 day waiting period required before the court date can be scheduled. Oh what fun. This was definately not what I had planned for the rest of my life. But then, I never thought I'd live to see 30 either so I guess it's good to be wrong sometimes.

Today was an okay day. If you discount the fact that I think about "the divorce" like every 5 minutes and my brain feels like mush. I think I left it somewhere else. According to my recovery group, this is normal. Sometimes normal sucks.

My son is sick. I had to take time off work to take him to the doctor. I hate doctor's offices. We sat there for an hour waiting to be called back. Then we got to sit in the examining room for 1/2 hour waiting some more. Finally the doctor comes in, examines him and says "Yep you're right. He has tonsilitis." So of course then I think "Oh shit. I've been huggin him and kissing him goodnight all weekend. Now I'm going to get it." 5 minutes later, we're out the door, prescription and school excuse in hand. So now I've got a sick kid to deal with. And since my husband left, he doesn't want to stay home alone anymore. So I've got to take him to work or stay home with him. I take him to work. He's done pretty well. Got on my nerves a few times, but all in all he's done well.

So I call my husband and tell him he's sick so he doesn't need to pick him up from the bus stop.

He then asks me "Did you take him to the doctor?"

I'm thinking, "No I just decided he was sick and kept him home." I tell him yes I took him to the doctor.

He asks what's wrong with him? I told him he has tonsilitis and an ear infection.

Then he asks "Did you get him some antibiotics?"

I'm thinking "Who the hell is this? Of course I got him some antibiotics. I'm the one who always takes him the to doctor. You've never done shit. I've never not taken care of him. What the fuck do you think I did?" But I simply tell him "Yes I got him some."

Then he asks me "Did you get a school excuse?"

Again I'm sitting here thinking "Who the hell is this? He never thinks about school excuses, or doctors, or gave a shit about attendance before. What's the deal now?" But I simply say "Yes I got him a doctor's note it's all taken care of. It will be an excused absence."

He thanks me and says goodbye. I sit here fuming.

Is it like an unwritten rule that everything your soon to be ex says or does will piss you off?