Ah, the joys of fall. Back to school time. I've been working on a bachelor's degree for 4 years now. I feel like I have been in school my whole life. Some days, I feel like school is my life.
Working full-time, going to school part-time, finding the time to take care of myself and my son, spending time with friends and just having fun. It seems as though there is a constant battle to get things done.
At times, I just want to give up. I want to be a normal person plugging away at a 9-5 job. Not have any goals, not strive so hard. Just worry about gardening and which paperback novel I'm going to read this weekend. Unfortunately, I'm not capable of doing that. I mean, don't get me wrong. When I'm on break between quarters, that is exactly where I live. Tending flowers and working my way through a stack of novels. I can't think of a better way to spend a weekend. I just can't do it all the time.
Today has been one of those weeks where I'm really feeling the pressure. My home computer died. I know nothing about working on computers. If you push the button and it doesn't work, I'm having a meltdown. My school deadlines this week consist of 2 quizes and a test. Needless to say I'm stressing out trying to figure out how I'm going to watch 4 hours worth of lectures and complete all my online assignments while I'm at work. Fortunately our IT guy is really nice and he offered to look at my computer for me. I'm just hoping the hard drive didn't crash beyond all repair. I just bought the thing last year.
Never a dull moment around here.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Rite of Passage
My son is 15. He's been taking a driver's ed course this summer. I took him to get his learner's permit this past Friday. What an unexpected bundle of mixed emotions that was. Part of me was excited for him and remembering how I felt when I got mine. Part of me was afraid (if you've seen the way people drive around here you'd understand). Part of me was sad to see him so grown up and independent. Even though I know that is my job, to help him be independent, it still pulls at my heart to want to keep him close and protect him.
Upon receiving his permit, he tells me that he can drive now. I told him not on the freeway during rush hour. We stop at Wal-Mart to pick up some groceries and he mentions again that he can drive. I tell him not on the highway. So I get us to our subdivision and pull over and tell him okay you can drive now. The look of sheer panic on his face surprised me. I had to get out of the car and tell him to move over. With a few slight comedic errors, he manages to get us home and park in the driveway (6 inches away from my work vehicle and the satellite dish).
He looks over at me and says driving is a little harder than I thought it would be. It's a lot to get used to. I tell him now you understand why I don't want you on the freeway yet. A little more practice and you'll be fine.
My boy is growing up.
My son is 15. He's been taking a driver's ed course this summer. I took him to get his learner's permit this past Friday. What an unexpected bundle of mixed emotions that was. Part of me was excited for him and remembering how I felt when I got mine. Part of me was afraid (if you've seen the way people drive around here you'd understand). Part of me was sad to see him so grown up and independent. Even though I know that is my job, to help him be independent, it still pulls at my heart to want to keep him close and protect him.
Upon receiving his permit, he tells me that he can drive now. I told him not on the freeway during rush hour. We stop at Wal-Mart to pick up some groceries and he mentions again that he can drive. I tell him not on the highway. So I get us to our subdivision and pull over and tell him okay you can drive now. The look of sheer panic on his face surprised me. I had to get out of the car and tell him to move over. With a few slight comedic errors, he manages to get us home and park in the driveway (6 inches away from my work vehicle and the satellite dish).
He looks over at me and says driving is a little harder than I thought it would be. It's a lot to get used to. I tell him now you understand why I don't want you on the freeway yet. A little more practice and you'll be fine.
My boy is growing up.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Smoky Mountains
I love the Smoky Mountains. I have ever since I was a child. There is something special about this place that touches me deep down in my soul. I have always loved the woods. Even at home when I was troubled I would go for a walk to have some time by myself to think and journal. It recharges my batteries like nothing else on this earth.
It was such a blessing to be able to go hiking with my dad and my son. The timelessness and continuity of the forest. The tradition of hiking carried on to another generation. As a child, I used to hike with my father. He would answer a never ending stream of questions about the plants, animals, and tracks I would find. Now I get to share that love with my son and pass the information on to him.
I hope to someday pass the same information on to his children.
Monday, June 04, 2007
Family
I'm sitting here by the river in Pigeon Forge waiting for my dad to get back to the campground. We're going hiking in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park this afternoon.
I spent a nice evening last night visiting with my Aunt and Uncle and cousins from CT last night. They are staying in a condo in Gatlinburg. Since I live so far from home now, I only make it back once every 5 years or so. Having them vacationing so close and getting to visit was a special treat.
My Uncle has survived prostate cancer and heart bypass surgery. He has always been a tremendous blessing in my life. I hope I'm as tough as he is when I get old.
Well, my dad made it back, so now we're off to hike!
I'm sitting here by the river in Pigeon Forge waiting for my dad to get back to the campground. We're going hiking in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park this afternoon.
I spent a nice evening last night visiting with my Aunt and Uncle and cousins from CT last night. They are staying in a condo in Gatlinburg. Since I live so far from home now, I only make it back once every 5 years or so. Having them vacationing so close and getting to visit was a special treat.
My Uncle has survived prostate cancer and heart bypass surgery. He has always been a tremendous blessing in my life. I hope I'm as tough as he is when I get old.
Well, my dad made it back, so now we're off to hike!
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
It's been almost 3 years since my last post. I don't even really know where to begin to sum up so I won't even try.
My son's report card was supposed to arrive in the mail today. You can imagine my displeasure when I opened the envelope to find a note stating that I had not paid one of his class fees and his report card would not be released to me until I brought the cash in person to the school.
The thing that really floored me about this experience is that this is the 3rd time in the past 4 years that I have had to dig my paid school fee receipts out of the file, take time off work to drive down to the school, show them my receipt to prove that I did pay the fee, and collect his report card.
Grrrrrrrr......
And we wonder why our kids aren't learning anything.
My son's report card was supposed to arrive in the mail today. You can imagine my displeasure when I opened the envelope to find a note stating that I had not paid one of his class fees and his report card would not be released to me until I brought the cash in person to the school.
The thing that really floored me about this experience is that this is the 3rd time in the past 4 years that I have had to dig my paid school fee receipts out of the file, take time off work to drive down to the school, show them my receipt to prove that I did pay the fee, and collect his report card.
Grrrrrrrr......
And we wonder why our kids aren't learning anything.
Sunday, August 22, 2004
Summer's Over
I can't believe summer is over. It went by in one big blur. I spent my summer taking Calculus. It was really hard. I had class 4 days a week and homework each night. Somehow, I made it through.
I'm on a 2 week break before the fall semester starts up. Unfortunately, my son has already started back to school so I won't be taking a vacation anywhere. They are ever so slowly shifting the schedule around to get us parents used to a year round school schedule. I can't say that I mind the year round schedule. I do wish the public schools and colleges would work together and schedule the breaks at the same time. It would really help out the 25% non-traditional students they have around.
The small group I've been a part of for the last 3 years has dissolved. The leaders are going with the team to plant a church in north Chattanooga. So I've started a small group in my home for single moms. We've met a couple times. So far I've had one person show up. I know there's a lot more single moms in my church. I can't figure out what's up or how to get them to come.
My house is a fixer upper. I've been struggling to get things done. I've asked a few people to help me with different projects, and they've all been too busy. One of the recovery principles I've learned is to keep asking for help until you get it. So I finally mentioned my dilemma to my associate pastor. Next thing I knew, a team had been pulled together and they spent a Saturday working on my house. It was really cool. Now he wants to do this every few months to help out some of the other single moms in the church.
God has been talking to me a lot more lately. It's been weird. He even used me to speak prophetically into someone's life. I've never had that happen before. I felt thrilled, humbled, and completely not worthy all at the same time. He's teaching me to let go. To trust him that he will take care of my son when he's not with me. To learn to bless and pray for my ex so that bitterness does not grow in my heart. They are both really hard lessons. I'm slowly taking baby steps walking them out.
I'm so grateful that he's with me. Pulling me up when I fall down and cheering me on.
I can't believe summer is over. It went by in one big blur. I spent my summer taking Calculus. It was really hard. I had class 4 days a week and homework each night. Somehow, I made it through.
I'm on a 2 week break before the fall semester starts up. Unfortunately, my son has already started back to school so I won't be taking a vacation anywhere. They are ever so slowly shifting the schedule around to get us parents used to a year round school schedule. I can't say that I mind the year round schedule. I do wish the public schools and colleges would work together and schedule the breaks at the same time. It would really help out the 25% non-traditional students they have around.
The small group I've been a part of for the last 3 years has dissolved. The leaders are going with the team to plant a church in north Chattanooga. So I've started a small group in my home for single moms. We've met a couple times. So far I've had one person show up. I know there's a lot more single moms in my church. I can't figure out what's up or how to get them to come.
My house is a fixer upper. I've been struggling to get things done. I've asked a few people to help me with different projects, and they've all been too busy. One of the recovery principles I've learned is to keep asking for help until you get it. So I finally mentioned my dilemma to my associate pastor. Next thing I knew, a team had been pulled together and they spent a Saturday working on my house. It was really cool. Now he wants to do this every few months to help out some of the other single moms in the church.
God has been talking to me a lot more lately. It's been weird. He even used me to speak prophetically into someone's life. I've never had that happen before. I felt thrilled, humbled, and completely not worthy all at the same time. He's teaching me to let go. To trust him that he will take care of my son when he's not with me. To learn to bless and pray for my ex so that bitterness does not grow in my heart. They are both really hard lessons. I'm slowly taking baby steps walking them out.
I'm so grateful that he's with me. Pulling me up when I fall down and cheering me on.
Saturday, May 08, 2004
The Last Samurai
I just finished watching the movie The Last Samurai. God has his own unique way of speaking to me. As I was watching the final battle scene, I started weeping. I found myself crying out to God, Please let my life mean something. I want my life to stand for something on this earth. I want something worth fighting for. I want my life to have honor.
I found myself flashing through all the times my life has not brought honor to God. All the times I denied him. Things I allowed in my home, my life, that I knew he did not want. Yet, I did not want to fight my husband. So I either stayed silent, or even worse, participated. I begged God for mercy. To not punish my son for my sins. To provide him with the chance to make it out of this mess. To not have to fight and battle the same demons I have.
To give me a chance to regain my honor. I want my life to mean something. I don't want to just live for the next paycheck.
I just finished watching the movie The Last Samurai. God has his own unique way of speaking to me. As I was watching the final battle scene, I started weeping. I found myself crying out to God, Please let my life mean something. I want my life to stand for something on this earth. I want something worth fighting for. I want my life to have honor.
I found myself flashing through all the times my life has not brought honor to God. All the times I denied him. Things I allowed in my home, my life, that I knew he did not want. Yet, I did not want to fight my husband. So I either stayed silent, or even worse, participated. I begged God for mercy. To not punish my son for my sins. To provide him with the chance to make it out of this mess. To not have to fight and battle the same demons I have.
To give me a chance to regain my honor. I want my life to mean something. I don't want to just live for the next paycheck.
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